please follow this and revise’

I have read your new draft, up through page 4, and I am attaching it with my comments. This is a big improvement from your previous draft, so you are moving in the right direction. However, you still have work to do.

You are framing the paper better now, so that it’s clear from the beginning that you are looking at teddy bears through a sustainability lens. Also, the sources on your bibliography now actually relate to the topic, for the most part. But I still have concerns about your use of sources. To take one example, I looked up the source by McCutcheon that you cited in your paragraph about the environmental problems caused by synthetic toys. The article by McCutcheon is not about environmental problems caused by synthetic toys. It’s about human health problems caused by synthetic toys. As a reader, when I discover that one of your sources has nothing to do with the topic of the paragraph, I start to wonder if ANY of your sources pertain to the topics in you paper. This is a major problem because it goes to the very heart of research-based writing.

In the time you have left, I encourage you to go through and ensure that the sources you cite for every paragraph actually match the topic of that paragraph. It would be even better if you quoted specific passages from your sources in the paper, to further demonstrate the quality of your research.

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